Super Smash Bros Insanity
by Chronicler Zoni
Summary: Because of the Subspace invasion, the equipment that randomly chooses Brawlers to fight is broken. Now Master Hand has decided the Fanfic readers get to choose who fights who! Enjoy the craziness and violence! Please review and decide!
1. Meeting of Chaos

**I don't own Brawl's rights, Nintendo does, but I love the game and the hilarious fanfiction for it! Hope you all like this one!**

"In the Brawl Universe, worlds collide in epic battle. Heroes of all forms, shapes, and sizes come together in harmony for one noble purpose."

"**FOR YA TO KILL EACH OTHER FOR INVISIBLE PEOPLES!"**

"Crazy Hand, PLEASE!" Master Hand, the five -fingered deity of the Smash Bros Universe pleaded with his psychotic sibling. In the conference room of the Arena. the giant white gloves were standing, well actually floating, at a podium before the Super Smash Brawlers who Master Hand had (he hated the pun) 'hand' picked from their universes.

Mario: Plumber Hero of the Mushroom Kingdom.

Luigi: Mario's bro and part time ghost buster.

Peach: Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom and Mario's girlfriend.

Wario: Mario's chubby, rude, greedy, garlic loving, doppelganger.

Bowser: The irritable Koopa King and persistent kidnapper of Peach.

Yoshi: A green dinosaur with a long pink tongue and a fierce appetite (Heaven help us if he and Kirby ever want the same snack.)

Pokemon Trainer: Adventurer and keeper of elemental pocket monsters.

Pikachu: Small yet powerful Electric Mouse Pokemon.

Jigglypuff: A round pink Normal-type Pokemon with a soothing singing voice (if you

value your kidneys, DON'T fall asleep during her solos!)

Lucario: The Fighting/Steel type Pokemon with the power of Aura.

Kirby: Round and pink (creepily like Jigglypuff) Defender of Popstar and devourer of food…and monsters….and well, practically anyone unlucky enough to come near his mouth.

King Dedeede: Chubby penguin king of the Waddledees and constant foe of Kirby.

Meta Knight: Mysterious masked Star Warrior and wielder of the sword Galaxia.

The Ice Climbers: Blue and pink parka-wearing Eskimos with the power of ice and oversized wooden hammers (not really sure why mountain climbers would have those).

Pit: Angelic warrior for the Light goddess, Palutena.

Donkey Kong: Super strong, tie-wearing gorilla (Addicted to bananas)

Diddy Kong: Donkey Kong's monkey sidekick and wielder of various barrel shaped devices (that right I said barrel)

Link: Hero of Time and wielder of the legendary Master Sword and Triforce of Courage.

Zelda: Princess of Hyrule and wielder of the Triforce of Wisdom.

Ganondorf: King of Evil, wielder of the Triforce of Power, and, to her eternal annoyance, kidnapper of Zelda. (Why do the bad guys always kidnap princesses? Is it like a fad or something?)

Toon Link: A cartoonish younger version of Link and Hero of the Winds.

Captain Falcon: Red helmeted F-Zero champion (Don't scratch his ride's paintjob or you'll be thrown to Kirby.)

Fox McCloud: Anthropomorphic (big surprise) fox, ace pilot, and leader of the Star Fox mercenary team.

Falco Lombardi: Anthropomorphic (another big surprise) blue falcon and wingman to Fox.

Wolf O'Donnell: Anthropomorphic (must I even say it?) wolf and head of Star Fox's rival team, Star Wolf.

Olimar: Mute astronaut and commander of the plantlike Pikmin.

Ness: Baseball loving boy with the psychic powers of PK.

Lucas: Ness' timid younger friend and fellow psychic.

Marth: Prince of Altea and expert swordsman with the Blade of Legends, Falchion (Despite how his haircut looks, he is not a girl.)

Samus: Intergalactic bounty hunter wearing the advanced Chozo Power Suit (she would have been wearing her Zero Suit, but she didn't like being around Crazy Hand when she did)

Ike: Mercenary ally to Marth and owner of the blessed sword Ragnell.

Mr. Game and Watch: One of the oldest of the Brawlers, composed of digital pixels.

ROB: (As the name implies) A robot on wheels with deadly laser vision (Good thing too since it scared people from calling him nerdy)

Sonic: Super speedy hedgehog from the Chaos filled world of Mobius.

Snake: Heat packing spy and defender against the Metal Gear mechs.

All of them with their own special abilities and traits.

And right now all of them suffering another mental episode from Crazy Hand.

Crazy Hand flew off the podium until he stopped in front of Falco's seat. **"Polly want a cracker?"**

"What did you say?" Falco asked with a dangerous gleam in his eye.

Crazy Hand pulled a box of crackers out of thin air and pushed them towards the pilot's beak. **"STUFF THE TURKEY! IT THANKSGIVING!"**

Falcon smacked the box away and pointed a wing at the glove. "Listen you Hamburger Helper reject, I AIN'T NO PARROT AND I AIN'T NO TURKEY! I'M A FREAKING FALCON!"

"**AW.." **Crazy Hand, disappointed his canary wasn't hungry, flew back up to his brother.

"Crazy," Master Hand sighed. "How many times have I told you not to try to force feed the Brawlers?"

Crazy Hand wiggled his fingers, counting down the number of times (which took a while since he had only five fingers.) **"Uh, ninety two?"**

"Correct. So why did you do it?"

"**CAUSE THE MIDGET LEPRECHAUNS TOLD ME SO!" **

Everyone turned and glared at Toon Link. The cartoonish boy looked nervously around him at the hostile faces. "It wasn't me! Really! Swear to Din!"

"Yea. It better not have, kid.." Falco warned, taking out his blaster and raising it to fire.

"People, people, please!" Master Hand gestured at the Brawlers to not beat Toon Link to a pulp. "Now, as I was trying to say, due to the recent Subspace 'incident,' devices I constructed to randomly assign Brawlers to battle were damaged."

Master Hand pointed to a pile of smoking scrap metal behind him.

"In order for the fights to continue, we will need to find a new way to choose the opponents. Any suggestions?"

Peach raised her gloved hand. "How about we all write our names on pieces of paper and put them in a bucket? Whoever we pick will be the person we fight!"

"That-a sounds kind-a lame." Mario commented.

The room became silent as the grave.

"Oh-a boy."

Peach turned to the plumber, her kind blue eyes now red with demonic wrath. "IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, HOW ABOUT I SHOVE THE BUCKET DOWN YOUR WINDPIPE! LET"S SEE YOU UNCLOG THAT!"

Mario trembled before his girlfriend and rapidly apologized. "I-a was just-a kidding! It's a great idea! I-a love it! Please don't-a maul me!"

Peach's eyes turned blue again and she giggled. "Thanks sweetie!" She pecked the terrified plumber on the cheek.

"Any other suggestions?" Master Hand asked, glad that he didn't have lungs.

Pikachu raised his paw. "Pika, pika, Pikachu chu pi?"

Ike raised his own hand. "Uh, could someone translate that?"

"He said 'what if we play musical chairs?'" Pokemon Trainer explained. "He also said 'the first two left would be the ones to Brawl.'"

"But then no one would try to win!" Ike exclaimed.

Pikachu glared his beady eyes at the swordsman and shocked him with a Thunderbolt (which when you consider the fact that Ike had his sword on his belt would have been very painful). "Pika!"

"He said 'no one asked you, Grimer breath!'" Pokemon Trainer translated.

"Okay," a burnt Ike shakily asked as he got up from the ashes that once were his seat. "What's a Grimer?"

"You don't want to know."

"_We could throw Brawlers to Yoshi and have him devour them_." ROB suggested. "_My calculations indicate that those who escape from their confinement in his eggs around the same period of time would be on the same level of ability."_

Yoshi licked his lips (or what he had instead of lips) and stared hungrily at Wario.

"I don't-a like the way that dino's looking at-a me." Wario whispered to Bowser.

Bowser looked sideways at Yoshi, who was preparing a bib printed with a yellow 'W' around his green neck. "Just avoid eye contact and don't move. They're attracted to movement."

"Yea, that could-a work." Wario murmured thoughtfully as Yoshi snuck up behind him and started salting his head.

Crazy Hand flew up overhead Wario and started helping Yoshi add spices to the unsuspecting Italian. **"I LIKE CINAMMON! IT TASTES LIKE PIE!"**

"What the…" Wario looked up and got his eyeballs covered in spice. "AAAIII! MY EYES! IT-A BURNS! He ran out of the room, desperately trying to wipe the irritating flavorings from his eyes.

Yoshi ran after him, a knife and fork in his hands while squealing, "YOSHI!"

Master Hand watched the chaos and sighed. "I don't get paid enough game sales to do this job."

"What was that?" Fox McCloud asked, his large ears picking up the deity's words.

"Nothing! Nothing!" Master Hand quickly said. He flew up to Crazy Hand, who was now trying to spice a fleeing Pit and crying out **"I LIKE YUMMY CHICKEN WINGS!"**

"Crazy, that is enough! Please restrain yourself at once, or no more cooking shows for an entire millennium!"

"**AW.." **Crazy threw the bottle of cinnamon at Kirby, who swallowed it and turned into a cinnamon stick.

The former puffball looked down at himself, squealed with glee, and started eating his own face.

Crazy Hand suddenly snapped his fingers and began dancing around Master Hand.** "HEY BRO! I GOTS ME A PERTTY GOOD IDEA!"**

Master Hand groaned. "Brother, I already told you, I am not getting you a Metal Gear for a pet."

Snake looked up nervously at the gloves.

"**Naw, not that, BUT I DO WANT ONE WITH A PRETTY PINK BOW! What I was thinkin' was THEM could choose the Brawlers!"**

Master Hand looked at him (which was pretty hard since he had no eyes or a face) with confusion. "Whom are you talking about?"

"**THEM!" **Crazy Hand pointed towards the reader. **"THOSE PEOPLES WATCHING US! THEY'S IS STALKERS ME THINK!"**

"ARE YOU MAD! Wait…don't answer that. You know we are not supposed to enter THEIR world! It's in the contract!"

"What contract?" Wolf asked, his large ears as able to pick up Master Hand's voice as well as Fox's.

Master Hand waved away the mercenary. "Again, NOTHING!" He turned back to Crazy Hand. "No! We are not going to do that!"

Crazy Hand stopped dancing and hung limply in the air, saddened. **"But WWWWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY?"**

"Again its in the…" Master Hand performed some sign language so Wolf and Fox, who were watching with paranoid looks, could not understand.

"**WAFFLES?"**

"NO! BLAST YOU AND THAT INFERNAL STEWART WOMAN WHOSE SHOW YOU KEEP WATCHING!"

Crazy Hand balled himself into a fist and shook with sorrow. **"WAAHH! YOU'S NEVER LIKES MY IDEAS!"**

Master Hand sighed, giving in to his brother's tantrum. "FINE! We won't enter their world, but we can do something a little more legal with them, alright?"

Crazy Hand relaxed and started dancing around again. **"YAY! ME'S AS HAPPY AS LITTLE SCHOOLGIRL!" **He flew down to Ness and Lucas. **"SAY I'M A PRETTY GIRL!"**

The psychic boys looked at each other, terrified, and then said to Crazy Hand at the same time. "But, you're not a girl.."

Crazy Hand shaped his fingers to look like a gun, his forefinger blazing with hellfire. **"SAY IT OR I'S HURT YOU!"**

Ness and Lucas threw their hands in front of their faces defensively. "YOU'RE A PRETTY GIRL! YOU'RE A PRETTY GIRL!"

Crazy Hand giggled and flew back to the podium with his brother.

"Alright Brawlers, here is how it is." Master Hand announced. "As of now, I shall be requesting the inhabitants of an alternate universe to give me their choices for Super Smash Bros Brawl. Those who give the best choices will get their wish fulfilled and the Brawlers of their choice will do battle. Any questions?"

Everyone remaining in the room raised their hands, including Crazy Hand.

"Alright then, lets begin."

**You heard Master Hand! After reading this, just review and tell what battles you want to see, and the most awesome or hilarious will be the winner for the following chapters! Also, between battles, we will see how the Brawlers act when on break from hurting each other! So please review and get ready for SUPER SMASH BROS MELEE INSANITY!**


	2. Cartoon Violence

**Here it comes. The results of the votes! Enjoy and review!**

"Everyone, the moment we have been waiting for has arrived."

"**Paper Mache Monkey Day?"**

"No, Crazy."

"**We get ta give da Brawlers a flesh eating virus?**

"NO, CRAZY!"

Back at the Arena, the results had just come in from the first Brawler votes. Master Hand and Crazy Hand were before the Brawlers, ready to announce the day's battle.

"Though the choices were few…"

"**ME HATES THAT!" **Crazy Hand points to the reader, his finger ready to unleash hellfire. **"WHY YOU'S NO VOTE! ME BURN YOU'S ALL TO…."**

Master Hand swiftly slapped his brother's finger away, the hellfire instead scorching Jigglypuff, Lucario, and Pikachu (Thankfully Jigglypuff and Pikachu weren't hurt so much because of their types. The same can't be said for Lucario, what with the whole Steel type thing) "CRAZY, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO MURDER THE FANS!" (Fox and Wolf looked at each other with paranoia)

Crazy Hand counted with his fingers (taking about twenty minutes to do so) **"Uh, five hundred and twelve?"**

"Correct, so why did you try to do it?"

"**CAUSE DA SHORT PIXIE WITH DA MAGIC BUTTERKNIFE TOLD ME SO!"**

All of the Brawlers, especially the ticked off Pokemon, surrounded Toon Link, ready to tear him into itty bitty, Lucky Charms and feed him to Kirby.

Toon Link took out his Master Sword and raised his shield in front of him, trying to protect his face and other precious body parts. "AH, C'MON! WHAT ABOUT LINK? YA KNOW, REGULAR LINK? WE HAVE THE SAME CLOTHES AND SWORD!"

"Dude, I haven't been your size since I was, like, eleven!" Link said, readying to slice and dice his Mini Me.

"WAIT EVERYONE, PLEASE!" Master Hand flew over in front of Toon Link, waving the Brawlers away. "You can't just attack your fellow Brawlers between fights!"

"Sure we can!" Captain Falcon said, ready to Falcon Punch a hole through Toon Link's…face. "Yoshi did the same thing to Wario just yesterday!"

Wario got into a fetal position, traumatized by the memory. "So-a cold..So-a very cold…"

"Look, you cannot kill Toon Link because he is one of the Brawlers chosen for the day's battle!" Master Hand pointed at Fox, who had his blaster set to 'extra crispy.' "Also, his opponent is Fox McCloud, so only he gets to wound him."

Crazy Hand screamed with joy. **"YEEAHH! THE PUPPY AND THE PIXIE ARE GOIN' TA SLAUGHTER EACH OTHER 2 PRETTY RED MUSHITY MUSH!" **

Fox grinned. "I am going to enjoy this."

Toon Link (freaking out from the fact his opponent had a gun and sharp pointy teeth) began running from the conference room. "THERE IS NO WAY I AM FIGHTING THAT GUY!"

"Too bad. Sucks to be you." Master Hand waved, well, himself, and teleported Fox and Toon Link to the Bridge of Eldin.

Toon Link backed away from Fox, his eyes bugging with terror. "Look, F...Fox, how about w…we just sit down and talk about this?"

Fox growled, loading his gun. "Do you know that Falco's my roommate? I thought, 'Hey, I've known the guy for years and it'd beat having Wolf instead.' But you know what? THAT FREAKING BIRD KEPT ME UP FOR SIX HOURS LAST NIGHT COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW YOU SICKED CRAZY HAND ON HIM!" The cranky anthropomorphic animal aimed his weapon. "SUFFER AND DIE, YOU DAMN GREEN A$$HOLE!" Fox fired a series of lasers at Toon Link, who threw up his shield to quickly deflect them.

Toon Link shot arrows from his Hero's Bow at Fox, trying to ward off his murderous opponent. Fox merely shot them back at Toon Link using his Reflector (sticking the toon like a pin cushion), than used Fox Illusion to warp towards Toon Link and send him flying into the air, screaming his large anime head off. Toon Link performed a Spin Attack to straighten himself and land on his feet, only to have Fox launched at him with Fire Fox. "HERE I COME!" Fox shouted as he head-butted Toon Link in the stomach (and gave him third degree burns).

Toon Link unsteadily got to his feet and looked down at the burns and tears on his tunic. His eyes burned with raging fire as he grabbed a lit Bomb from his pack and ran screaming towards Fox. "MY GRANDMA MADE ME THIS TUNIC YOU MANGY SON OF A B?T$#!"

Fox' eyes widened as the screaming kamikaze kid ran towards him. Suddenly, he noticed movement from under the arch at the other side of the Bridge. "Oh, $#it!"

King Bulblin came charging down the Bridge on his wild boar mount, a lit explosive of his own in his meaty green hands. The ogre was smiling as he approached Toon Link and Fox (He really loved his job)

Fox ran screaming down his side of the Bridge with his hands in the air, trying to get away from both the psycho Bomb-throwing toon and the chubby monster that looked a lot like a twisted mix between Wario and a booger. "WHERE THE HELL IS A HAMMER WHEN YOU NEED ONE?" Fox spotted an item fall onto the Bridge in a flash of light and ran to pick it up. "Hah! Let's see you try and blow me up when I'm kicking your a$$ with my…" Fox looked to the weapon in his hand.

It was a Fan.

"Ah, crap…."

BOOM!

The middle of the Bridge exploded in a burst of mortar and brick, sending Toon Link and Fox flying to their respective sides (Toon Link would have been in the middle when it blew up, but King Bulbin ran over him before he could.) Both got up to their feet and glared at each other, both trying to figure out how to destroy the other. Fox tried shooting his Blaster, but Toon Link shot his Hero's Bow. Both attacks did little (Fox did get shot in the foot though, which really ticked him off)

Suddenly, with a burst of golden light, a Smash Ball appeared floating around the air in over the gap.

"MINE!" Both Brawlers cried out as they tried shooting at the Ball. When that didn't work, they decided to risk it and jump for the prize. Fox used Fox Fire. Toon Link Used Spin Attack.

SHATTER!

Both landed on the right side of the Bridge, just as a Twilight Portal opened up above and restored the center.

Fox was glowing with Smash Power, smiling as he punched his fist into his hand. "LANDMASTER!" He flew into the air, energy surrounding him as a large white and blue tank formed and landed heavily onto the Bridge, it's laser cannon aimed right at Toon Link's….face.

"Oh, sweet Triforce.."

_Back at the Arena_

"And the winner is…FOX!"

The Brawlers clapped as a smug Fox and a scorched and limping Toon Link appeared in front of Master Hand and Crazy Hand.

"**OOOH! EXTRA CRISPY!"**

"Don't even think about it Crazy." Master Hand warned. The giant glove waved the Brawlers out of the room. "Everyone return to their quarters and rest up. When we receive the votes for the next battle, we will call you back to assign the opponents." Master Hand turned to Toon Link, who was shooting dirty looks at Fox, who was being congratulated by the other Brawlers. "Oh, you might want to get those burns looked at. Mario, I believe you had a medical degree? Crazy disintegrated the last doctor **(HE SMELLED LIKE BLEACHED CAT!)**, so we may need a replacement. Are you up for it?" 

"Uh, I-a guess so." The plumber gestured for Toon Link to follow him to the medical wing.

As Toon Link followed, he glared back at Fox, who was being patted on the back by a much happier Falco. "I'm going to get you for this, you &a$trd, so watch your tail….."

**Oh, no. Looks like Toon Link is thirsting for revenge! What could go wrong? (I'S KNOW!) Crazy, stop it! Anyway,please review for the next battle!**


	3. Assisting Arrest

**I don't own SSBB, but I have the game. Enjoy this new chapter. Deceit, conspiracy, ruthless violence! All the heart warming elements we all know and love!**

It was near midnight at the Arena and most of the Brawlers were fast asleep (Thought the more nocturnal fighters like Meta Knight or Ganondorf were out enjoying the creepy darkness like most creepy dark people like to do in all of their dark creepiness)

In the cafeteria of the Arena, however, a not so nocturnal Brawler was sitting at a table, seemingly alone except for two green capsules that were resting in front of him. The Brawler tapped the capsules, the Assist Trophies, and released their contents into the chairs across from him. One was a hedgehog with black spikes, glaring at an equally black laptop in his lap. The other was a large polygonal grey face with glowing orange eyes.

"Well?" The Brawler snapped. "Have you considered my proposal?"

The hedgehog (which any noob would know was Shadow) was engrossed with his laptop. "Have you ever heard of a site called FanFiction? Some stuff on here is really messed up!"

The grey face looked over Shadow's shoulder at the screen. After a moment of scanning, the face drew back with a mixed look of horror and nausea. "And I thought I was evil! A number of these stories scar my very SOUL! Who the hell writes some of this?"

"Look," The Brawler got to their feet and walked around the table towards the two. "I don't care what kind of junk you're looking at. I brought you here to…" The Brawler looked at the screen just as Shadow clicked on a story. They read some of the lines of text.

"HOLY CRAP, MY EYES! MY PERFECT EYES!" The Brawler fell to the floor as their eyes began to burn within their sockets. "TURN THAT DAMN THING OFF!"

Shadow rolled his own (unscarred) eyes and closed the laptop. He pointed at the Brawler, who was quietly sobbing on the floor in pain. "Chaos Control." Green energy flew from his hand and burrowed into the Brawler's eyes, restoring them.

The Brawler got up, blinked away some tears and sat back at the table. "Thanks. Why were you looking at that site anyway?"

Shadow shrugged. "I overheard Master Hand talking about someone named Chronicler Zoni and thought I'd check it out. Poor guy had barely any reviews when I looked up his work, but he seems to be writing about us right now while his other stories are dormant." (Yes, I am referencing myself. If you don't like it, you can complain to Crazy Hand. Hope you like hellfire! "**YES! ME DO!"**)

The grey face frowned. "So, anyway, this deal you offered earlier. It is legitimate I hope?"

The Brawler grinned wickedly. "Yes, Andross, it is. I knew that you two would be perfect for my plan, which is why I asked in the first place."

Andross smirked. "Well, then. If what you promise is true, then I will be delighted to assist (pardon the pun).

Shadow coughed into his hand.

"Yes Shadow?" The Brawler asked.

"Yeah, I get what's in it for Mr. Retro over there, but what do you have to offer me?"

The Brawler smiled. "Sonic's room is next door."

Shadow gave an evil half-smile. "Perfect. I'm in too." (BUM BUM BUUUUMMM! DRAMATIC THEME MUSIC!)

_The next morning._

"WHAT THE HELL!"

Most of the Brawlers ran out of their rooms and looked around the hallway of their dorm, Awoken by the scream, they began searching for the source (some hoping it was Toon Link so they could beat him up)

Donkey Kong was passing the restrooms when he heard someone scream again. He slapped his hands on the floor to get the other Brawlers' attention and pointed at the men's restroom. (He would have gone in, but he couldn't fit through the door)

"What is it Donkey Kong?" Zelda asked.

The gorilla pointed at the door again. "OOhh, Oohhh eeh Ooh!"

"Can you translate that?" Ike asked Pokemon Trainer.

"No way! I only understand Pokenese."

"Does anyone speak Ape?" Pit asked (the angel had curlers in his hair and wanted to get them out soon before the other guys woke up enough to notice)

Luigi raised his hand. "I-a speak some Ape. It-a was my minor in-a college."

"Probably why you became a plumber, isn't it?" Ganondorf sneered.

"Watch-a it Mussolini!" Luigi walked up to Donkey Kong and listened to his jabber. "Uh huh. Uh huh. Really? No-a joke? Ha! I-a know right?" Luigi turned back to the Brawlers.

"Well?" Link asked. "What did he say?"

Luigi shrugged. "I-a don't know. I can't understand-a his accent."

Ike, Pit, and Link blew up simultaneously. "WHAT! ALRIGHT IS THERE ANYONE BESIDES THE GREEN ITALIAN GUY WHO CAN UNDERSTAND DONKEY KONG?"

Lucario came up. "I can, probably. If I tried sensing his Aura, I should be able to guess what it is he wants to tell us."

Samus waved her hand. "Fine, but hurry up! I'm don't want Crazy Hand to catch me without my Battle Suit!"

Lucario raised a paw, engulfing it in flickering blue Aura, and placed it on Donkey Kong's head. After a few seconds (Donkey Kong was tapping his foot impatiently) Lucario removed his paw and looked quizzically at the men's bathroom. He walked up the door and went inside.

"GET THE HELL OUT BEFORE I KICK YOUR FURRY BLUE ASS!"

Lucario rushed out of the bathroom and put his back to the door, blocking the way. His red eyes were wide with alarm.

"Who is it?" Marth asked (he needed to dye his hair)

Lucario looked at the Brawlers, as if just remembering they were there. "Get Master Hand, NOW!"

"But-"

"NOW, FOR ARCEUS' SAKE!"

After a few minutes, Master Hand was brought to Lucario. "Please tell me Crazy did not try to 'fix' the plumbing again."

Crazy Hand punched through the ceiling and floated down next to his brother. **"Naw, me was hunting for jellybean cocky-roaches." **(He started inching towards Samus, but she beat him back with her energy whip)

"Master Hand," Lucario gestured for the giant hand to come closer. The Pokemon whispered something to the deity (he wasn't really sure where exactly to whisper but he decided to try anyway)

Master Hand flew back a few feet, his fingers stretched out in shock. "WHAT! Are you sure?"

Lucario nodded.

Master Hand spun around and faced (though he had no head) the Brawlers. "Everyone to the Conference Room IMMEDIETLY!"

Everyone in the hall followed a muttering Master Hand and a bouncing Crazy Hand to the Conference Room and sat at their places. Master Hand floated up to the podium and addressed the Brawlers. "I have some disturbing news. It seems as if we have a saboteur in our midst."

"**A sabo-churro?"**

"NO CRAZY! A SABOTEUR! IT'S FRENCH!" Turning back to the Brawlers, Master Hand cleared his non-existent throat. "It seems as if somehow, SOMEONE was able to cause ALL of Mr. McCloud's fur to fall off." (Falco groaned. Krystal was NOT going to like that.)

Wolf snickered, then burst into hysterical laughter. "HA, HA! HOO BOY! GUESS THE KID WOKE UP BRIGHT EYED BUT FORGOT THE BUSHY TAIL! HA, HA, HA!"

"So was it you, Mr. O'Donnell?" Master Hand asked.

Wolf waved away the hand and smirked. "Naw, it wasn't me. Though I would like to shake hands with the guy who did it!"

"Well then, where is the culprit? If he or she is in here, please come forward."

Everyone was silent (Crazy Hand made cricket sounds by rubbing together his thumb and ring finger)

Master Hand fumed. "Fine. Since no one will confess, I suppose we will just have to get on with today's battle."

"IT WAS TOON LINK!"

Everyone turned to see Sonic run into the room.

"And what proof do you have of this, Sonic?" Asked Master Hand.

Sonic snorted. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe, THIS!" He turned around and pointed to the back of his head.

The spikes on the back of the hedgehog's head were shaved down to form a patch shaped like a Wind Waker.

"Do you see what that twerp did to me? It'll take forever for my hair to grow back!" Sonic balled his fists. "WHERE THE HELL IS HE? I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS SO HARD HIS GRANDCHILDREN WILL FEEL IT!" (Good thing Toon Link wasn't in the room)

The Brawlers joined in (They were hoping they would get to beat up Toon Link for setting Crazy Hand on them)

"THROW HIM ON HIS SWORD!" Ganondorf roared.

"FORCE FEED HIM HOT COALS!" Marth shouted.

"PIKA, PIKACHU!" Pikachu squeaked. (Pokemon Trainer looked appalled)

"MAKE HIM LISTEN TO JIGGLYPUFF's singing!" Snake cried.

Jigglypuff grabbed Snake by the neck and threw him to Kirby.

Kirby was happy for the snack (though it was kinda greasy)

"ENOUGH!" Master Hand shouted. He snapped his fingers and a lightning bolt struck the podium, reducing it to ash. "YOU CAN GO HAVE YOUR ANGRY MOB MOMENT AFTER THE DAY'S BRAWL! GOT IT?"

Everyone nodded.

"Good. Today's contestants are Ike, Bowser, and Ganondorf. Good luck and all that!"

The three chosen Brawlers were teleported to Frigate Orpheon.

In the background, the many-limped Parasite Queen was watching from within a large energy field (holding a barrel sized popcorn and a Big Gulp while she watched)

Seeing his was outnumbered by two bad guys, Ike began swinging his golden blade at Bowser, trying drive the Koopa towards the edge of the platform they were on.

Bowser smirked as he drew back from the slashing blade. "Kid, you're going to have to do better then that!" Breathing in deeply, Bowser released a torrent of flames from his fanged mouth, trying to reduce Ike to an ashy stain. Ike threw his sword in the air, its magic drawing him to it (and also away from the pyromaniac below)

Ganondorf was watching from a safe distant platform, his arms crossed. "Well, isn't this familiar. A teenager with a magic sword fighting a fire breathing monster." Ganondorf examined his black fingernails (gross right?) "Exactly how long are you going to try to roast him, Bowser? Just crush the damn kid and let's be done with it."

Bowser looked up at Ganondorf and growled. "I don't see you helping, self-proclaimed 'King of Evil!' No wonder you always lose to Link! You're too busy sitting on your royal ass instead of doing the job early!"

Ganondorf frowned. "Watch your tone with me, you over grown turtle! I have conquered whole realms of existence! You, on the other hand, have only been able to take over only one measly pathetic wasteland!"

"THAT PROPERTY IS SOME OF THE BEST REAL ESTATE ON THE EAST SIDE!

"The east side of what? Mediocrity?"

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT!" Bowser glared at Ike. "I'll be back to bite your head off in a minute.

Ike didn't mind. It beat having to fight the pissed off Koopa King. "Take your time."

Bowser went into his spiked shell, jumping up in the air as he did. His spinning Whirling Fortress attack flew towards the dark wizard, ready to impale him. Ganondorf, drew back his fist, dark magic swirling round it. Just as the shell reached him, the King of Evil released his Warlock Punch with a scream. Bowser flew to the other side of the stage (his shell protecting his pudgy body, but vibrating like San Francisco during a quake) Spotting a Crate appear on the stage, Bowser ran to it on his stubby legs. He grabbed the box and with little effort threw it at Ganondorf. The Gerudo jumped in the air and knocked the projectile away from him with a darkness-covered Wizard's Foot. The box landed just ten inches away from Ike (He had been watching with the Parasite Queen, who happened to have a second Big Gulp.)

Ike sputtered in mid sip of his beverage and fell on his back. Quietly getting up, he was mourning the loss of his soft drink when he noticed the villains were still fighting, not remembering his presence. Ike slit open the Crate with his sword and peeked inside.

He grinned.

Bowser was slashing at Ganondorf with his claws when the lights on the Frigate suddenly went out. An alarm sounded off from every direction, blaring in their ears.

"Uh, what is that supposed to mean again?" Bowser asked.

"This." Ganondorf replied. With Bowser distracted, Ganondorf grabbed him by the throat (no small feat) and used his Dark Choke attack on the Koopa. The dark magic attack threw Bowser to the floor in a heap of chubby fatness. Ganondorf approached him, gloating over his opponent.

"Why am I not surprised? If you had spent less time stuffing yourself and more time training, perhaps you would have stood a chance." Ganondorf drew back his fist, preparing for another Warlock Punch. "Perhaps."

Suddenly the platforms turned upside down.

"WAAH!"

Bowser was able to gather enough energy to use his Whirling Fortress move and fly in the air.

Ganondorf, however, was falling into the deep dark terrible abyss. He tried using his jump move, which lifted him slightly in the air.

But not enough to grab a ledge.

"CCCRRRAAAAPPPP!"

Bowser watched as Ganondorf blew up in a burst of light. The power turned back on in the Frigate.

The Koopa turned around, rubbing his hands (er claws) together. "Well, now that Ganondork is out of the picture, I'm feeling in the mood for some swordsman shish kabob." He looked around the Frigate. "Where is that kid anyway?"

"Hey."

Bowser turned around and saw Ike holding a chunk of ice with a blue face on it.

"Oh, hey." Bowser turned back to look for Ike, then widened his eyes in realization.

"Damn."

Ike threw the Freezie at Bowser, freezing him in a block of chilling ice (Note: Reptiles and cold don't mix!)

As Bowser watched in terror, unable to move, Ike raised his sword above his head with both hands. The blade began burning with divine flame. "When are you villains going to learn? Never give the hero enough time to stock up on items."

Ike released his Eruption attack at full power, his sword forming a small inferno that sent the frozen Bowser flying into the distance (The Parasite Queen had to take out some binoculars to see when he blew up)

_Back at the Arena_

"And the winner is…IKE!"

Ike waved at the clapping Brawlers, while Bowser and Ganondorf pouted in the background (Bowser had a cold and was secretly wiping his snout on the Evil King's cape)

Sonic got up from his seat and faced the Brawlers. "HEY!"

The Brawlers quieted and looked at the blue hedgehog (those behind him snickered at the patch on his head)

"This has been fun and all. Also good job, Ike," Sonic gave a thumbs up to the swordsman. "But I think we're forgetting something."

The Brawlers looked at each other in confusion.

"GETTING REVENGE ON TOON LINK!" Sonic shouted.

The other Brawlers (remembering they were going to form an angry mob earlier) jumped form their seats and ran from the room (somehow they found torches and pitchforks) "GET TOON LINK!"

Master Hand sighed as the Brawlers combed the Arena, looking for the cartoonish hero. "Why do these things happen to me?"

"**Just lucky me guess." **Crazy Hand pulled a flaming sword out of thin air. "**I LIKE TOON JELLY!" **The psychopath flew out of the room, joining the hunt.

Master Hand left the Conference Room to make sure his brother did not cause Armageddon.

Again.

**Looks like Toon Link's in a pickle. I wonder if he did do all those things (Who am I kidding? I'm writing this story! Of course I know if he is!)** **Anyway, while the Brawlers are hunting for the little guy's blood, review and post your votes for the next battle! (Hopefully by then Fox and Sonic's hair will grow back) See ya next chapter!**


End file.
